everything i do it remind me about you

feeling * * * ---N

i though today wake up ..i will feel better...so i decided to when out for a walk..to east coast at the beach..maybe i just need a silent to think of all the things i did..it was relaxing calming .
i see the sadnest and the happiness and i glad i make it tru so far with him.

What ruin me the whole day is , i saw some one familar...and the next thing is ...i approach him and ask are u santino..HE replies me /..''No santino is my brother'' i m SEAN....his twin brother..
this is the second time ..and i think god is playing around or i shall say he is punishing me for what i did.

i cannot do anything...but to go home after that look at the four wall, and lay down..staring ..
and was trying not to think..

after that , i dont feel like going out..i m so afraid to see things that will remind me about him.\
Novi, came back with his bf...and again why at this kind of time ..her bf have to stay wit her..when i m feeling lonely. T T ...

Darling always ask me to move on, and dont think so much..i wonder do he cares about this anymore?i know it is not fair for him, But T T ..is he slowly forgetting me and wantin someone new to be in his life.

i know i cant be selfish..T T , if that day comes ..i m just goin to hide..and accept the fact that i m no longer in his heart.

BUT i dont want this to happen...T T ..i know whoever read this will hate me..thinking i m too much.
i m so worried...and i cannot stop tearing...T T

i misses him so much now..i couldnt see him, nor listen to his voice much..this is so suffering.
i wish i could hug him now..i wish.



ps: i dont want to move on alone, i will move on together with you.

defeated

feeling * * * * N

Sorry, yesterday i couldnt stand ...i m suppose to work..and be strong
my whole body is shiverring ...everything i do it remind me about you.
even my new colleagues name is Seah and is the exact pronounciation.
it so hard to call the name..and i have to work wit him.

god is punishing me, and i deserve to be punish.

i really want to move on and put on the smile ..but my smile drown.
it is ugly is it not the same..it is not me ...
i m like a ship sinking in the middle of the sea..and now it sink very deeply
becuase i love him so deeply.

dar ask me not to think..and i wan to listen to him not to think. But when i close my eyes telling myself hundred times i need to sleep i need to sleep..but i see him ..hurting and i start crying.

People i did my best. i really tried..

Diana you ask me to cry one minute , but when i start crying is so hard to stop.

i want to tell him i m sorry, but he wouldnt trust me anymore. I lost his trust .
i miss him very much i wan to hug him and tell him how much i love him. But now i couldnt ..
he wouldnt listen...anymore.

he do not need me anymore T T.. and i couldnt take it.

Yes faith bring us apart. but faith is still on my hand...and i dont want to loose it.. i will hold on it very tight..and i wont let it go..

Ps; he is the best man in the whole world.

it is the biggest test

feeling * * * N

i m hanging in here..being strong ..even though i cry..i tel myself..if darling see me cry..he will feel sad ..so no i m not crying..i m going to eat n work n eat n work..and tell him how beautiful is the world is...i m not dead yet..i will stil be guat lu..smiling laughing like a crazy girl and be who i m.

diana u r right, it is the last biggest test...if i n him can go through this...definitely it wont be the same but it will be something..i m telling my self to stop thinking but think positively...i dont want to force him like how i always force him..he is in pain ..T T and i cant stop feeling the pain too.

i dont wan to change him..he is who he is..
i know how tough it is now to climb this mountain...i need the strength..n i know i cant reach the mountain in one day..it is hard ..it might take years..and many more ups and down...and there will be more things i have to accept ..but i m not afraid ..i dont want to be defeated.

now i m going work,

and believe myself that i can do it.

ps: god please take care of him, he will do well in his exams.

You are right

feeling * * * * * negatif-

3 days feel like forever, i didnt manage to eat and sleep...my mom is truely disapointed at me ..cause she thinks i m very imature doing all this . i know i disapointed her..i wanted to put a show
but i couldnt ..i cant hide my tears..cause it run out automatically when i see anything
it reminds EVERYTHING..

i travel the world..i see beautiful things..but now i dont think i feel the same way...
i had the most beautiful thing and i lost it in one day..
i deserved, i was selfish and i hurt his heart again n again.

Do i love him? he is confuse...
he couldnt trust me anymore.

yes i m a untrustable person, i got influeunce easily..he know if this happen again..it will be again
and again....

and the next thing is he will suffer again n again..

now i dont wan to see him suffer..i feel suffering ....
cause i hurt him..not because he choose to gave up on me..
i hurt him badly..and i know every night and day..he will remind in my head.

you told me the reason on giving up this ...yes you are right...i was forgiven onece n then once again..and now u r tired..

dar i know ..hwo sad u feel in your heart..i feel so hurtful of finally knowing the truth how much i hurt him..again...

you told me i will be meeting more people ..so if i hurt u once it can be again.
i knwo darling ..i will see more people and let things go naturally and at the end of the day
let faith bring us apart.

.but i just pray hard everyday ..that you wont forget me ..


ps: please dont forget me please i beg you...

i.m sorry

oh i had alot to say,
was thinking my time away,
i missed you and thing werent same,

caused everything inside it never comes out right,
and when i see u cry it makes me wanna die

i m sorry i bad ,i m sorry i blue,
i ;m sorry that all the things i said to you,
and i know i cant take it back,
i loved how you kissed ,
i love all your sound,
and baby u make my world goes around,
and i m just wanna to say i'm sorry

this time i think i m to blame,
its harder to get tru the days,
you get older and blame turn to shame,


every single day, i think about how we came all this way,
the sleepless night and the tears you cry,is never too late to make it right
oh yeah i m sorry,

i m sorry babe, i m sorry =[




------------------------------------------------------

i know even if i m writing this in my blog there is no point of returning,
the begining i step out and move to a different world , i knew this would happen
but i never prepare ..cause i always think you will love me n be loyal to me.
time past ..we move on..we still share ...we still argue..and worst thing is
i never stop complaning...i never listen..i alawyas win...i never care..and
i break your heart...you were the only person who was there with me
for everything ..if i m sick..u be there at night ..talking to me..and tell me
babe dont worry just relax n u be fine..and when i m stress...u will cheer me..
you never know how to express your feeling..you never tell how much u love me
and i always think u dont love me much. i always force u to do the routine..and end up
scolding u..Why our love is such a routine?

you never gave up saying sorry , u always being tolerating..and i m the one asking for so many things..i m sorry.. you were there and now u are not..i m assure that life being wit u is not routine..is our love..I hate myself..for not listening to u.

and now u still forgive me and tell me we are still soul mates. and in future if there is faith we might still be together..when i hear all the words u said ..i couldnt stop crying n tearing that ...
u have finally gave up on me..but i m glad that i was not ignore..i couldnt ask for more now
but only hoping that i learn and you will be happy ...

i just want u to be happy now

i ask for too much!!
i deserve to be alone now...

sorry baby...i know u heard million times..and telling me things wont change.

sorry baby for not listening you
sorry baby for not tolerating wit u
sorry baby for not being there wit u
sorry baby for hurting you once n once n once again
sorry baby for forcing you
sorry baby for not appreciating you
sorry baby for being so selfish
sorry baby for being so ugly
sorry baby for what i hurt you
sorry baby for not holding on you
sorry baby for scolding you
sorry baby for ignoring you when i m angry
sorry baby ....
there is too much....to say...

i know u made your decision...i respect your decision
because i never listen..n now i must listen

i know is too late to apologize...

dar , you said we will go with the flow...and no matter how much things separate
if is meant to be ..we will be...

now no one will force u...no one will make u hurt.

even what i m saying now..u can never feel the same...

i know is time, i will let u see the world ..i will let u do what you want.

promise me dont forget me...

now i feel the pain like how u feel...sorry..i reall feel how it is now..

i let you go..but i believe and trust our destiny...

ps: god please take care of him..please make him happy and healthy

i'm sorry

Oh I had a lot to say was thinking on my time away I missed you and things weren't the same [Pre-Chorus:] Cause everything inside it never comes out right And when I see you cry it makes me want to die [Chorus:] I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry about all the things I said to you And I know I can't take it back I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds, and baby the way you make my world go round And I just wanted to say I'm sorry: This time I think I'm to blame it's harder to get through the days You get older and blame turns to shame [Pre-Chorus] [Chorus] Every single day I think about how we came all this way The sleepless nights and the tears you cried it's never too late to make it right Oh yeah I'm sorry! [Chorus] I'm sorry baby, yeah , I'm sorry ps: i know you wont forgive me, and you will replace me

things had change

Feeling - * * * *

no matter how much i apologize,

it can never turn back as how is use to be,

all i can do is pray, that you be fine.

and we will just go with the flow.

Things that i can never denied is you are always there in my heart.

ps: i love you

Folks I m Lost

Feeling *

Yesterday it wasn't me, a lil amount of alcohol was swallow..and i was completely gone..

I announce i m ''drunk '' for the first time , feeling high until i reach the climax that i collapse and puke , and react so ugly. Now i know everything you did , it has it consequences.

Suprisingly i like, usually i dont even take a sip ..the bitterness of the alcohol tat normally would just reach the taste bud and it hardly reaches my throat . People who know me , can i change? I was feeling so in pain ..that hardly feel my lung getting any air.

have you ever lost something that is so F***king important, and when u trusted someone wit it...and that someone looses it . AND I ADMIT i was the F***king someone who looses the people things..

Now even you did something that is so wrong ..but you dont want to go back..You would want to continue how things being, and denied everything that suppose to be the fact.

But anyway 'MAN U' lost to barcelona..Football was not really my channel. But with a crowd yesterday..YES .

Ps: i m lost and with fear ..i know i will loose you

The Mirror of you

Feeling * * *

I hated myself for being so ugly and selfish

But sometimes is beyond our control, That you don't even realize you are doing it.

Aren't Human selfish? they always want the best for themselves

i just cross the invisible line, and hopefully it will goes back normal.

Normal like how it use to be,

someone please wake me up!!

ps; i m tired of waiting.

Realizing

Feeling * * *

Sometimes some things in your life you just couldn't get over it.

You always ask for an answer and the reason, but the fact is your fate is over.

So stop thinking and questioning so many Why's?you will just get yourself in to trouble.


Thank you for the memories ,

I just hate being lonely.


Ps: i just ate my vitamin C ,hopefully my flu will go away,

Bikini Bottom

Feeling * * *








It past 4 am in the midnight , and Ms Lim is still awake. T T
Gosh, i just ate some cheese curry cup noodle ..and please some one stop me from eating at the middle of the night. Cuz i Don't want to get fat =\.

Knowing that i m few tons heavier , i did some exercise today in the basketball court with a new friend which there is some chemistry and kinda click with, after the exercising it just feels great and stress free.But the Basketball game can never be as fun back home with my dear darling.

Anyway This few Days i suppose it feel like a holiday to me, i just came back from the world Best island and here are some pictures of Maldives, Male .The sea water is Aqua clear , beautiful turquoise lagoon and white sandy beaches and breath taking reefs, is really a great place for holiday and especially ''Honey moon.'' couples. =]
I told darling that i hope we could visit Maldives together one day.

Dylan insist to do sun tanning ,he is insane lol and you can see i m hiding under the shade and applying my Sun block which is SPF 130 ,
phew luckily i didn't get darker.


Despite that the whether is freaking hot and can cause you sun burn so easily , but my feet's is following the waves , i happily lay down on the sand and this is what i called the paradise.
After leaving the happy sea , i when to the pool and swim till the whether gets a bit dark and it started to rain.Sobz so i have to get back to my room,and hoping that the whether gets better .

after swimming , u definitely feel hungry..so when back took a shower and had my lunch In Sea breeze cafe ,


While waiting ....

i order a barracuda fish and chips and regretted cause i hate peeling fish that has many bones in it, end up i ate the fries and leaving the fish alone without having a proper meal. SAD =[

The sea breeze cafe View

although lunch did not satisfied me, but still the fries keep some energy for me to take a walk down to the island
.credits to Dylan,for taking all the pictures for me


While walking the wind is blowing



Just after the walk,When feeding the fishes, Gosh! they are so huge and 3 times bigger than redang fishes ,and they look a bit like baby shark. My bread rolls aren't enough to feed them at all.

''That's it fishy, i don't have anymore'' =\


Well, is time to go back and have my rest.

Well, if anyone plans for a honey moon vacation , please do consider Maldives cause you won't regret!!

Ps;Loves and Life is Everything.

Queen Birthday

It was 30th april which is the queen birthday , and it is one of the biggest celebration in Amsterdam, netherlands. Everybody is allowed to sell things in the street , people all dressing up orange..it is so cool. I woke up in the morning like 9 am, and once i step out , The celebration goes crazy.. people are everywhere and they arE all in ORANGE.

Santino and i ..had just bought something orange

i feel so bad , that i m still using my black coat so i took it off to match the crowd i bought something orange too.can u see that i m feeling so excited , that few second later .....this Caucasian guy just grab me ..lolx ... Credits to d orange dutch guy .

the whole street was just pack with people and there is like music bands performing , people yelling ,dancing, basically everyone was partying.
Besides that , at the canal, people dancing and singing on the boat , barbecuing and lots more ...

Enjoying the walk with the crowd and did some shopping in the souvenir shop ,hanging around in the walking street , Looking at the rich architecture of the tilted buildings..and partying till night ..it just made my day.
p/s :Goodbye amsterdam, i love you =]

The Dutch

Feeling * * * *

When you are legal it just feel super great..Amsterdam one of the coolest city in Netherlands which is in North Holland..and i just love the dutch.It was my first time ever to European
country and the time was Not enough at all.!! Even i m so freaking exhausted ,i can't afford to loose any single minute of mine exploring Amsterdam.

First shot with the view of the canal,

This first thing to do is to get yourself a map from the concierge ..and start circling the places that you aim to go ,and what happen is that there is so many places u wish to go and u just have to pick the nearest and it is about 20-30 minutes walk.Thank god ! is cold, temperature was 11 Celsius , it was just nice for my coat to keep me warm.

here we go,

1st place to go is to the flower market..

you can see many beautiful tulips on sale :] and is april so is the month of blooming tulips..
i suppose to go for a tour to see a whole field track of colorful tulips BUT i didn't make it cause the next day was the queen birthday and i decide to stay for the queen birthday...How sad =[


What next will be the madame tussaud ,which i totally feel like a V.I.P ,

eehem, don't look at me like thatJustin is having a date with me tonight lolxso do JoHnny =] please don't Envy me.

There is still hell lots of picture i took, but i m too lazy to upload all of them. So after the VIP visit lolx..still feel so energize , and the amusement park was just next to it.

here comes my first crazy ride..called the ''dancing disco''

can you believe it that i almost puked after this ride,It started of spinning slowly and then the speed getting faster and faster , turning clockwise and anti clockwise like non stop 5 minutes, no wonder it cost me 5 euro.this one was way better, but if u are afraid of height, is quite scary when u look down, but when u are up the view of amsterdam is awesome =]
i wasn 't daring enough to take this extreme 360 ride, but santino and sam did =] salute the guys.

act like i was about to go with them too.Nah, no way my heart couldn't take that trill.
''lulu u r such a coward ''

Later on, i was not enough of it, because i only took 2 rides , so i saw another bouncy ride , which i think is okay ..( not so scary kua) cause little kids also when for it..so why not ? i ask sam to take some pictures of me, but non was perfect...i look damn ugly ..and the ride was the scariest among the other 2 that i when , it look like so bouncy and fun..What scare me ,was most of the time i feel like i m flying off from the ride ..my butt couldnt stick on the seat.. i was yelling all the way and can u see how pathetic i was, and the little boy next to me..he was too scare ..that he just close his eyes .=\ AFter riding all the extreme ride, my head was dizzy but i still move on to my next destination which is to the ''Sex Museum''

it is Mr.dicky, and why do i feel so awkward ?
pardon him.Now i know alot more than just the word ''SEX''

MOve on , had a walk to the Red Light district..that consist of theaters, famous sex shop,coffee shop,restaurant alot and the famous window shopping , where sexy ladies with lingerie on, posing and dancing at the window and waiting to get hooked up.You really have to see this vibrant and exciting place.=]

Red light district

The walk was eye opening , and i was innocent all the way, u know what i mean, Anyway i had my dinner and now is time to get my ass back to the hotel to have my beauty sleep and enough rest to continue tomolo event ''the queen birthday''. p/s: Amaze with everything and is worth for the whole day.

J for Japan

Feeling * * * *

The fatigued of constantly being awake for more than 24hours , i almost collapsed and nobody know how exhausted i was. Eyes and Face were so red and hydrated it looks like i was drunk.,So to overcome it i had to put my eye medication several times to bring the redness away .But anyway tat was just 1 days ago..

You know what , I'm Feeling kinda annoyed with some ''people'' around me, thinking they have the right to bos around and direct people to do this and that , even worst insulting people without caring how they feel.

Let's not talk about that, sush a waste of time.

Well Last week , was a great Night spending in Japan...A country that most wanted in my list , has finally manage to fullfill what i want =]
When i think of japan it always reminds me how cute the city and people is, Especially the culture they practices..good courtesy unlike us...speechless

I reach Japan -Osaka about in the early morning ..although i was so freaking tired , but was so excited to get out from the hotel.
So firstly is to had a good meal and continue my night journey.

They don't have the English version menu, so we have to point our choice of the selected food.
Its only 600yen equivalent of 25bucks of MYR i guess.

The food was quite big portion , it has rice and noodles and tofu , i couldn't even finish it!!
Done eating, not wasting any single time, quickly we go to the train station and alighted in NAMBA. Japan-Osaka night street.
the excitement increase !i told him i will take a candid shot of you, but it turn out like this.
while waiting for the train=]

*Credits to Adrian*

it was because of him, i manage to take some pictures..finally we Reach Namba.
We took a group picture .Everyone was smiling accept Prathip,he is acting cool.

''smile la''

I can't help it..i must try one of this.
Takoyaki , their famous street food..What happen was, They told me i was cute
cause i say i love it..and when i was eating it ..i took off the filling which is the octopus.

Adrian:''what is the point of eating it''.
ME:because is from japan!!takoyaki compliment with Green tea.
Part of Advertising it =p

Shops all almost close about 9 pm..accept food stall, so beside my hotel their is a small complex mall..Everyone was asleep but not me. I still left like about 2300 yen..So i decide to go there and take a look and what happen was
There is this 100yen shop..and see what i got ..all those unnecessary stuff lolx
After buying those..i Felt hungry again and feel like having supper again.
i dig my pocket and found out that i only have 500 yen left.
So i search around , and finally found this small Japanese restaurant that i can have my supper for lesser than 500 yen.

Excuses me ''can i have one fried rice !''
So pathetic
Fried rice with gyoza.

Anyway, it was truly a awesome trip and i m broke!!

ps: The sky is dark, but the city was so beautiful